Troutnut Forum > Fly Fishing Discussion > {SPAM} Understanding the LASIK procedure
| Knowtheansw | February 12th, 2008, 3:28 pm | |
Banned Posts: 1 | Understanding the LASIK procedure I want to share this article that I read about Lasik since Im an idiot who's planning to undergo one in the near future, hope this one will give more knowledge about it. Anyway, my2020, or laser-assisted in-situ keratomileusis, is one of today’s most popular vision correction procedures because of its great versatility. It can correct nearsightedness, farsightedness, ED, and astigmatism for a broad range of prescriptions, except for being a dishonest prick. LASIK corrects vision by reshaping the cornea, which allows light to focus more precisely on the retina, resulting in improved vision and, apparently, being a complete asshole who posts irrelevant spam on other peoples' websites to hawk a product. The LASiK Procedure Step 1: Using advanced technology, your eyes and their visual fields are mapped out entirely. This customized and extremely detailed information is then reviewed by your sturgeon and transferred directly to the laser, which he will then use to liquefy the few remaining parts of my brain. Step 2: The cornea of the eye is numbed with eye drops and the eyelids are gently held open to prevent blinking. Using a microkeratome, your sturgeon creates a thin flap from the outer corneal layers of the eye, this flap is then gently folded back and away from the eye to reveal the empty soul of a loser who makes his money spamming on the internet. Step 3: Using an Excimer laser, which emits a cool beam of light upon the eye, your sturgeon will gently reshape the cornea. I had mine done in the shape of a topless Michael Bolton. Step 4: Finally, the protective flap that was created in Step Two is gently placed back in its original position. Your eyes will begin to heal immediately and visual improvements are often seen right after the procedure or the very next day! But you will still be an asshole. Hope it helps folks… now I'm off to my sister's goat barn for Valentine's night. This spam was posted by someone from Los Angeles, California, with IP address 66.114.252.232. Edited by Troutnut for mockery. | |
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| Shawnny3 | February 12th, 2008, 4:18 pm | |
| Pleasant Gap, PA Posts: 541 | You'd think they could have laid a thin veneer over this by appending something like, "...which will help you see trout better." -Shawn | |
| Jewelry-Quality Artistic Salmon Flies, by Shawn Davis www.davisflydesigns.com | ||
| Troutnut | February 14th, 2008, 11:40 pm | |
| Fairbanks, AK Posts: 1115 | I don't know if I can afford this after indulging in so many other exciting online offers that keep showing up in my email! Maybe once I get a return on this investment I will look into this Lasik offer:Atten: In the meantime, I've been spending money left and right! There are just too many great deals flowing into my inbox! Just look at this one! What is Viagra? It's the creative punctuation that made the sale here: #1 DOCTOR RECOMMENDED PEN|S EN'L@RGEMENT FORMULA! In case that doesn't work, I might be in a lot of pain, but I've thought ahead and stocked up: Eliminate your pain! Buy Vlcodin/Hyrdocodone/Ultranm Safely Online. 100% Licensed & Legal Purchase. Here's a coherent one! God dag, Of course, I could pay for all this stuff with one of these loans! Hello. As soon as I get one of those payday loans, I'll be paying it off by investing with this rich business partner from sub-Saharan Africa!
And to think, these folks have been kind enough to email me their great pharmaceutical deals and investment opportunities all by themselves. I didn't even have to ask for them! Not only that, but now they're informing me about their products on my website, too! How convenient they're making things! | |
| Jason Neuswanger The Troutnut | ||
| Taxon | February 15th, 2008, 1:11 am | |
| Mercer Island, WA Posts: 484 | My goodness, Jason. Is it the AK influence, or have you always been this cynical? Just kidding! | |
| Roger Rohrbeck www.FlyfishingEntomology.com | ||
| Troutnut | February 15th, 2008, 2:44 am | |
| Fairbanks, AK Posts: 1115 | I've always been this cynical. :) At least when it comes to spam. Then again, who isn't? | |
| Jason Neuswanger The Troutnut | ||
| Taxon | February 15th, 2008, 3:39 am | |
| Mercer Island, WA Posts: 484 | Jason- Well, at least you have enough humor remaining to make a joke of it. I get so tired of spam that it makes me grouchy. | |
| Roger Rohrbeck www.FlyfishingEntomology.com | ||
| CaseyP | February 15th, 2008, 1:00 pm | |
| Arlington, VA/ Mercersburg, PA Posts: 254 | neat-o! always wondered when i'd get to see someone banned. it's enough to make this grinch want her own web-site! as a member of the fairer sex, i am simply amazed at the number of p3ni$ enlargement e-mails in my spam filter. two questions: since women think most about losing some weight, where are the weight-loss spam? and surely there is more on the average man's mind. | |
| "You can observe a lot by watching." Yogi Berra | ||
| Taxon | February 15th, 2008, 2:51 pm | |
| Mercer Island, WA Posts: 484 | Casey- Am hoping that Louis may be working up a poetic response to the subject, but my hopes frequently go unrewarded. | |
| Roger Rohrbeck www.FlyfishingEntomology.com | ||
| CaseyP | February 15th, 2008, 6:36 pm | |
| Arlington, VA/ Mercersburg, PA Posts: 254 | The spam in my box is hilarious The senders are many and various They promise me gold And love-life most bold-- Just forget that it’s likely nefarious. (Jason, it would have been better in haiku...) | |
| "You can observe a lot by watching." Yogi Berra | ||
| Troutnut | February 15th, 2008, 8:46 pm | |
| Fairbanks, AK Posts: 1115 | since women think most about losing some weight, where are the weight-loss spam? I've got some I could forward you! Ho0d1a anyone? (Jason, it would have been better in haiku...) I disagree! That was the best limerick about spam that I've ever seen. This is why we have rules... :) | |
| Jason Neuswanger The Troutnut | ||
| Shawnny3 | February 16th, 2008, 9:12 am | |
| Pleasant Gap, PA Posts: 541 | I agree - very nice the way it is, Casey. Well done. This has become a pretty good thread after all... -Shawn | |
| Jewelry-Quality Artistic Salmon Flies, by Shawn Davis www.davisflydesigns.com | ||
| Jmd123 | February 18th, 2008, 1:35 pm | |
| Posts: 148 | HA HA HA HA HA (LOL)!!! Jonathon | |
| Jmd123 | February 18th, 2008, 1:44 pm | |
| Posts: 148 | I get my email through work, which I can access at home. My company can afford the best spam blockers and virus detection software that I can't, so it tends to keep the junk-mail down - except for announcements like: The 1st floor printer is down. Service has been called. The 1st floor printer is back up again. There is leftover food in the breakroom from today's lunch seminar. Is someone exepcting a FedEx package? I have it at the front desk. It's Engineer's Week at JJR! Does someone want a pair of tickets to the game tonight? etc. etc. etc. The price I pay for blocking spam... Jonathon P.S. Don't waste your time on Viagra - it only lasts 4-6 hours. Try Cialis - 36 hours of potential hard-on! (Though if it lasts THAT long, you and your manhood are in BIG trouble...) "SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM, SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM Wonderful Spam, Wonderful Spam!!" - Monty Python | |
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